Thursday, March 19, 2009
Can't sleep
Sigh... what a day. Can't sleep... Not too sure if it's because of the coffee plus the tea or what. Or is it the problems that keep coming on my mind. the problems between me and my ex. The things I wanted to ask. Everything everything. Friends have been advicing me about it but I just couldn't get my mind off the issue about me and my ex. I wished I hve the chance to ask and talk and discuss. IF there was no chance then it's fine but there's so many queries on my mind. Soooo many.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Start of a new day in the week....
It's Monday today.. but why am I feeling lost? Everything hasn't been the same since the other party left.... Perhaps, this is my way of acknowledging our relationship and to show that I sincerely want to carry. This might be a way to express how I feel to the other party and in turn let myself reflect on my own behaviour and make myself a better person. But I really the other party can share this step with me. I can do it alone but I rather have the other party beside me.
For a start, I am coming 32 this Oct 2009. Many times, I felt that I been through alot since I reached 21. But looking back on it for the past two weeks, I wonder if it is because I have been through alot that the moment I started my new job, I felt liberated that I forgotten to take people's feelings and sensitivity into consideration, especially the one who have stood by me all this time.
I know I haven't lost myself but I never realise I have become caught up in my job and my own freedom that I haven't been making the other party party. When I was upset, I chose to push the other party away rather than engage to resolve the 'our' problems, my problems. Reflecting on it, I felt selfish and inconsiderate. At the end of it, I finally broke up our relationship and left the other party there to think that the rlelationship was beyond repair, and was really an unhappy one. Although the other party told me not to blame myself as even if I didn't get angry that day, our relationship would still take its course. However, I know that if there was a chance to salvage that day, our relaitonship would grow because I finally realize my faults. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I walked away, broke up the relationship and only realize my mistake a week after.. too late then. I only let myself cried for two days, which had now stretched to weeks. The other party even said that there was no way to see that we could be happy together so it is unlikely to change his/her mind.
I still believe in us, I missed hearing the phonecalls and voicecalls. I know we have both fight hard enough but it is not our best yet. Is it still possible between us? I am giving some space between us to see what happens. But I have realized something, it is no point to cry over spill milk but rather, if given the chance I know where my stand and role in this relationship better this time round to make the other party happy. i have seen people work it out and there are 2 results: you either make it and move on form there, building a happy ending or you fail. If I am going to puit in the effort, why let it fail?? All I know the other party has made me believe in love when I was least looking for it; now its my turn to show him the same. Please me stood by you once again like you have always been by my side. Let me be the strength to carry you through the weakest days. I know it sounds mushy and corny but because I have never said it before, all the more I want you know it is true. I don't how to show that I am sincere but if you see without your mind over your heart, you will knwo that I mean every word and my friends knwo that I will make my best to get it worked.
For a start, I am coming 32 this Oct 2009. Many times, I felt that I been through alot since I reached 21. But looking back on it for the past two weeks, I wonder if it is because I have been through alot that the moment I started my new job, I felt liberated that I forgotten to take people's feelings and sensitivity into consideration, especially the one who have stood by me all this time.
I know I haven't lost myself but I never realise I have become caught up in my job and my own freedom that I haven't been making the other party party. When I was upset, I chose to push the other party away rather than engage to resolve the 'our' problems, my problems. Reflecting on it, I felt selfish and inconsiderate. At the end of it, I finally broke up our relationship and left the other party there to think that the rlelationship was beyond repair, and was really an unhappy one. Although the other party told me not to blame myself as even if I didn't get angry that day, our relationship would still take its course. However, I know that if there was a chance to salvage that day, our relaitonship would grow because I finally realize my faults. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I walked away, broke up the relationship and only realize my mistake a week after.. too late then. I only let myself cried for two days, which had now stretched to weeks. The other party even said that there was no way to see that we could be happy together so it is unlikely to change his/her mind.
I still believe in us, I missed hearing the phonecalls and voicecalls. I know we have both fight hard enough but it is not our best yet. Is it still possible between us? I am giving some space between us to see what happens. But I have realized something, it is no point to cry over spill milk but rather, if given the chance I know where my stand and role in this relationship better this time round to make the other party happy. i have seen people work it out and there are 2 results: you either make it and move on form there, building a happy ending or you fail. If I am going to puit in the effort, why let it fail?? All I know the other party has made me believe in love when I was least looking for it; now its my turn to show him the same. Please me stood by you once again like you have always been by my side. Let me be the strength to carry you through the weakest days. I know it sounds mushy and corny but because I have never said it before, all the more I want you know it is true. I don't how to show that I am sincere but if you see without your mind over your heart, you will knwo that I mean every word and my friends knwo that I will make my best to get it worked.
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