The end of a relationship....

Do we exist for a relationship or does a relationship exist because of us?
My heart is aching at the moment and it is hard to control. Never know I have to face this feeling again. I used to face heartache only because dates don't work out and it was real easy as time goes by. Am I a pro in that? I hope not, that probably make me a failure in developing relaitonships. Haha... It just didn't work out I guess. And I have become strong at that area where if it doesn't I can easily pick myself again.

But this time round, it's different. I guess both of us trustingly gave our hearts to each other. We tried for years to work things out. I have to admit that there are some things work while some remained the same. And the issues that remained the same ultimately took over me and my emotions and I completely lost myself thinking that by just being upset and angry, the other party will take notice. I took it for granted that the other party will listen to me when I get angry. I also thought that by only getting upset and not telling it, I am actually not protecting the other party but rather exposing to more hurt than I thought. Chemistry between us in all areas just keep going downhill. The more I tried to save, the worse it got. I remember once when the other party had to sit me down to talkl bout the problems. I was forced till the other party's eyes went red, almost with tears did I actually squeeze my problems out. Finally when I mentioned a break-up at the end, it was the last straw for the other party. I made that silly mistake. The other never want to talked about it anymore except that we are unhappy and that we just didn't work out, so it is better to break it before we 'kill' each other off and hate each other forever. The other party's heart had also closed up to me by then, I couldn't never enter the heart anymore. I really wished I could turn back time.

Some people would say that it things work between two party, it will just work. I used to believe that too. But during our two months' break before reconfirming the break, I looked and asked about many friends who are in a relationship, I gathered form them how things can last only because you planned and allowed yourself to change and grow. One also has to learn to open up and speak his/her mind freely so that communication will transcend between the two parties. I also had to learn about how feelings changed because love will not forever be fireworks in your heart but rather a spark and flame which you will have to constantly light it up to keep it going. In other words, it will slowly become everyday life but you know you say everything to him or her because the other party is your best friend, your partner and your companion. I really wished I could have the other party to built taht up with me again. I guessed I realized it too late now. Whenever I think of the good times, my heart just ached like a tiredness that I have never experienced. When I remmeber the bad times, I keep blaming myself for putting the other party through all the issues and why I haven't learnt all tis time? Although the other party ess I told my friends that I had a good temper and was the person who hiold the relationship, deep down, I knew he didn't hate me but was disappointed that I wasn't understanding enough to make changes for the other party. I really don't know what my frined told the other party about what I said before but I learnt not to pur out everything from now on cause they might be taken in the worng context under different situations.

The other party always thought I was unhappy. Honestly, I really dunno why that was so. However, I thought that by leaving that thought lying around, the other party will work harder for us but I didn't think it will be a future catalyst for the break that lead to a point of no salvation. Now I know, no matter, always remmeber to encourage your loved ones so they understand that you love them and that everything is fine. Sigh... a little too late.